“Attempting to succeed without embracing the tools immediately available for your success is no less absurd than trying to row a boat by drawing only your hands through the water or trying to unscrew a screw using nothing more than your fingernail.”
― Richie Norton
The minute you tell people where they stand, they are ready in line to misuse it. I have met all kinds of people in my life, none but one had an effect on me that was as everlasting and haunting than anything I’d heard of before. I don’t know what it is and how it happens, when you feel it, you just know.
I met a guy once, we were heading for a Model United Nations conference, being the anti-social person I was back then; I discovered that we went to the same school. He was a senior.I told a couple of friends about him that day, turned out he was mega popular, mega cute and mega out of my league. More about that later, this is one long story.
When you feel something for a person to extents where it doesn’t even make sense anymore, when all the “love is bullshit”,”valentines day is for losers” and “all guys are the same” kind of people stop thinking straight. Oh and let’s not forget the constant and never-ending urge to speak to them. This isn’t even the worst part. Currently in a fight with that one person in my life, let me tell you it is the most daunting experience of my life so far, its like you want to do nothing but sit in your room, curled up in a ball and cry your heart out while listening to chandelier or habits (if you have not heard these songs, you may die. like what are you even doing with life?) but like other than that, it is a horrible feeling that turns the nicest of girls into bitches and the sweetest of guys into jerks.
If there is one thing these feelings taught me at this age, it is that you think because he doesn’t love you that you are worthless. You think that because he doesn’t want you anymore that he is right — that his judgement and opinion of you are correct. If he throws you out, then you are garbage. You think he belongs to you because you want to belong to him. Don’t. It’s a bad word, ‘belong.’ Especially when you put it with somebody you love. Love shouldn’t be like that. Did you ever see the way the clouds love a mountain? They circle all around it; sometimes you can’t even see the mountain for the clouds. But you know what? You go up top and what do you see? His head. The clouds never cover the head. His head pokes through, because the clouds let him; they don’t wrap him up. They let him keep his head up high, free, with nothing to hide him or bind him. You can’t own a human being. You can’t lose what you don’t own. Suppose you did own him. Could you really love somebody who was absolutely nobody without you? You really want somebody like that? Somebody who falls apart when you walk out the door? You don’t, do you? And neither does he. You’re turning over your whole life to him. Your whole life. And if it means so little to you that you can just give it away, hand it to him, then why should it mean any more to him?
I don’t say that you have no right to be upset, in fact i’d like to quote Brian Jacques here:
“Don’t be ashamed to weep; ’tis right to grieve. Tears are only water, and flowers, trees, and fruit cannot grow without water. But there must be sunlight also. A wounded heart will heal in time, and when it does, the memory and love of our lost ones is sealed inside to comfort us”
When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder. Everything moved me. A dog following a stranger. That made me feel so much. A calendar that showed the wrong month. I could have cried over it. I did. Where the smoke from the chimney ended. How an overturned bottle rested at the edge of a table.I spent my life learning to feel less.Every day I felt less.
Is that growing old? Or is it something worse?
You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.
So we need to ask ourselves,Is that really something we are ready to sacrifice?