Let me get this straight, If I say “I am getting married” I was being sarcastic or I was drunk. And it is your responsibility to talk me out of it. Thank you. I am counting on you.
Now, lf you live in India or know anything about this place you’d know that the day you’re born; in fact the second you’re born, your profession (be it a doctor, engineer or taking over you fathers business), the day you will get married and to who you will get married is waiting at your doorstep before you can even learn to crawl. There is no telling whether it will be Gupta uncle’s son or malhota aunty’s daughter but you may get to hear a “They are old friends, you have to marry Geeta or it will ruin an ages long friendship, would you do that to you parents?” and it doesn’t matter if Geeta is suffering from brain hemorrhage, one just can’t spoil your parents friendship at the cost of your life, now come on…that’s just selfish isn’t it?
However if you’re one of the lucky few in India who are not tied to the shackles of your parents choices or friendships and have the freedom to make your own decisions like me *phew* Though we are the lucky ones, we most often don’t want to get married and we will still hear from our relatives in the future “shaadi ki umar ho gayi hai” but do we care…no.
Lets just say I were to decide to get married someday, I have a long list of expectations from my apparent significant other. For one, I will always expect random gifts and surprises so there is no turning back. If we fight kindly don’t expect me to get over my ego because that is never happening because even if you’re right…you’re wrong and my daddy will shoot you. I find weddings boring but , I, like other girls have dreamt of a lavish and beautiful wedding and I want that fulfilled, I don’t care what your religion may be, our wedding “has” to be Punjabi because there is something about the shor sharaba ,uncles drinking their ass off and all the brothers and sisters you never knew existed dancing at the functions,lets not forget the ten kilo lehenga I’ll be wearing and struggling to walk.
As for after we get married, don’t mind other guys hitting on me because I’ll be super hot and we all know it. I’ll be sleeping in late and going to bed…not so super early. I may drink a lot more than you but don’t get offended, it’s a Punjabi trait after all. I’ll get along with most of your friends and believe me that will annoy you but aren’t I that cute little annoying person that you adore?…and oh! we have to keep a pet named after major fashion brands, done that all my life “Gucci” and “Zara” being my present bitches.
I’ll earn more than you unless you’re some sort of christian grey in which case I sure do hope you wont name your helicopter “Charlie tango”. I’m addicted to my phone and though at times it may seem like I didn’t hear what you said, which I probably didn’t…know that deep in my heart I care.
Now, for what every Indian girl wants you to look like, you’ll be cute, we don’t expect you to be johnny Depp only if you don’t expect us to be a Victoria’s secret model. You’ll know what to do when we are on our period and dealing with deadly mood-swings, in other words, you’ll keep the fridge stocked with ice cream. You wont keep hiding you phone because it’ll only increase our curiosity and if you do tell us your password, we’ll lose our enthusiasm of spying on you. We love a little adventure and a lot of shopping for our brother’s son’s grandparent’s goldfish’s birthday party, we have to look like we are about to walk the red carpet.
Hello? You still there?… I don’t expect much do I?
On a concluding note, I guess deep inside all guys get this, my mother once told me “after marriage, boys become men, they can take responsibility for their actions; they sincerely put in all their hard work and dedication into providing a comfortable life, they stand up to wrongdoings and are caring, gentlemen who are ready to sacrifice the world for their family, this doesn’t mean they will always be like that, yes. They will still go around drinking or partying all night but that doesn’t change anything; women do that too and you cant stop them, why should you? they are humans after all and have the right to do what they like unless it is illegal, and just because they are so doesn’t mean it gives women the rights to misuse or manipulate them and be a pain in the ass, marriage is a two-way process.One can’t keep taking and not give or vice versa, it is a bond that perpetually grows and blooms. It requires patience and love, the two key things that hold two individuals together”