So it’s about 3 in the morning and here I am sitting in bed wondering if he’s eaten food tonight, if he was crying today, was someone there to hear his haunting thoughts? He pushed me away again but is there someone who can take my place? What time did he sleep? Why did he text me if he just planned on leaving again? Why, why can’t he talk to me if he still loves me? I promise to you that even though in this darkness no one can see my tears and that nobody can hear me sob, I’m not crying, I’m just empty… Again. Tonight. I can’t pick myself up, because I don’t know how to. All the promises I made to myself, of loving myself and never letting anybody have the audacity to do this to me, lie shattered in front of me. Am I to believe it’s over? How can it? All those memories of laughing together on his bad jokes and making fun of those picture perfect girls, how do I let them go? How do they not mean anything? How can I see him again without breaking down? It may be just a phase but this is all new to me, all these…feelings. I’m not sure of what to do anymore or that if I even have the will to do anything about it anymore, or did I lose it? Like I lost myself?
The Adventures of a Teenage Cynic…
