Easier said than done…

So my father lives in the belief that I’m a shallow ,good for nothing person. My mother barely has any time for me and I don’t blame her or anything but if she could just stop screaming at me for not getting things done that would be great. With a shortage of friends and not having studied for my exam tomorrow, I’m forced to sit here and blog about it. It’s not difficult to put things behind oneself and focus on what’s important. Then why am I not doing it, you ask? Because it’s simply killing me to keep all of it inside of me. No I’m not crying only because of a mere fight with my parents. I’m crying because they think so lowly of me, because my “friends” don’t seem to care, because my ex-best friend has cancer and that somewhere bothers me, because the one person I cared about left me in such conditions, because I’m a perpetual disappointment to the people around me, my teachers and parents, because I haven’t studied and I don’t have the will to either, because people think it’s so easy to be in my shoes. It’s not. And I know there is people out there who have it far worse but that doesn’t make it easier on me. I don’t even know where I’m headed. All I know is that right now, I want to pack my things and leave. Go so far away that nobody will be able to track me down. Leave. Without a word to anyone, not even my best friends.
I’m not suicidal or anything. I don’t want to die, I’m better than that and I know there is far to many places to see and things to do before I let myself go once and for all. I just don’t want to be here right now.