My grandfather passed away in January 2014, seeing as it was the first death I witnessed in my family, it hit me harder than it normally would’ve.
I was in my room that day, listening to music and as I walked out, I could see my brother in my grandfather’s room and he seemed quite worried. I don’t know how and why, but I just knew what had happened and I went back to my room without conformation in tear soaked eyes. Moments later, my mother walked into the room telling about his demise and I called my best friend and cried for half an hour straight, family members had already started gathering at my house and a cloud of despair hovered inside. The following days got more and more depressing and conditions didn’t seem to get any better. My grandfather was a very kind and also a very stubborn man. He loved ice creams and chocolates and kept repeating himself until he got his way, I think I get that from him.
Here are the five things I wish I could tell him…
(1) I wish I told him how much I could see the pain behind his eyes that would continue to smile in the worst conditions. How much I knew he was suffering and wished I could help.
(2) I wish I could tell him how much I loved going to the park with him as a child and how I wish I went more often.
(3) I wish I sat with him and heard his life stories and all he has to share because of how lonely and learned he was.
(4) I wish I never screamed at him in a fit of anger and that I genuinely never meant any of that.
(5) I wish I wish I told him more often how much I love him and how much I miss having him around and hearing his voice.
If you love someone, tell them, because you never know when that person will be nothing but a faded memory.
I sat with my grandfather’s body in his room for twenty minutes after his death, talking to him and wishing it was just a dream and that he’d wake up and talk to me. And in those moments, I swear I was more vulnerable than I’ve ever been. It was one of the experiences that have changed how I think.