Five things I wish I could tell my grandfather…

My grandfather passed away in January 2014, seeing as it was the first death I witnessed in my family, it hit me harder than it normally would’ve.
I was in my room that day, listening to music and as I walked out, I could see my brother in my grandfather’s room and he seemed quite worried. I don’t know how and why, but I just knew what had happened and I went back to my room without conformation in tear soaked eyes. Moments later, my mother walked into the room telling about his demise and I called my best friend and cried for half an hour straight, family members had already started gathering at my house and a cloud of despair hovered inside. The following days got more and more depressing and conditions didn’t seem to get any better. My grandfather was a very kind and also a very stubborn man. He loved ice creams and chocolates and kept repeating himself until he got his way, I think I get that from him.

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My grandfather when he was about 24 and the second picture of him as a 70 year old man

Here are the five things I wish I could tell him…
(1) I wish I told him how much I could see the pain behind his eyes that would continue to smile in the worst conditions. How much I knew he was suffering and wished I could help.
(2) I wish I could tell him how much I loved going to the park with him as a child and how I wish I went more often.
(3) I wish I sat with him and heard his life stories and all he has to share because of how lonely and learned he was.
(4) I wish I never screamed at him in a fit of anger and that I genuinely never meant any of that.
(5) I wish I wish I told him more often how much I love him and how much I miss having him around and hearing his voice.
If you love someone, tell them, because you never know when that person will be nothing but a faded memory.
I sat with my grandfather’s body in his room for twenty minutes after his death, talking to him and wishing it was just a dream and that he’d wake up and talk to me. And in those moments, I swear I was more vulnerable than I’ve ever been. It was one of the experiences that have changed how I think.

8 Comments Add yours

  1. This is beautiful. I am so sorry for your loss. I believe that in those twenty minutes after, he heard everything you said and I am sure that he knows all of those things you wish you could tell him. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I hope so too. Thank you so much, I really appreciate this 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is very moving. I am so sorry about the death of your grandfather. Your post brought to mind my own grandfather. As a child we would walk together in the woods and I have very happy memories of collecting acorns and conkers with him. I remember once planting an acorn in his garden and being convinced that the plant which began to sprout was an oak tree. Sadly it was a weed which just so happened to grow in the spot where I had placed the acorn. I am blind (I am writing this with JAWS software which converts text into speech and braille enabling me to use a Windows computer) and, as a child my grandfather would spend hours reading print books to me. This was in the days prior to me having learned to read braille or use a computer or other access technology. Kevin

    Liked by 1 person

    1. This is so touching. Memories bring back a lot. Your story seems so inspiring, I’d love to know more.
      Thank you so much 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Memories are certainly very precious. Unfortunately I no longer own the glass fronted bookcase in which the many books my grandfather bought for me used to live and I don’t have the books either. I do, however have happy memories of visiting W. H. Smiths with my grandfather. Practically every weekend he would buy a book and whenever I walk past a branch of Smiths the memories come flooding back. Although I can not read print I do have a small amount of vision, enough to see outlines of objects. So, for example I would see the shape of a person but I wouldn’t know whether it was a friend or a complete stranger. I can see some bright colours and I spent many happy hours watching the tropical fish in the aquarium my grandfather made for me. I have written a little about my grandfather on my Amazon author page, (http://www.amazon.co.uk/K.-Morris/e/B00CEECWHY/ref=ntt_dp_epwbk_0). Keep writing. I enjoy your blog.

        Kevin

        Liked by 1 person

      2. That is so beautiful. I’ll will definitely check it out, it sounds wonderful.
        Thank you so much 🙂 I like you. You’re a nice human. Heheh

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Thank you. You are an intelligent and kind person. Kevin

    Liked by 1 person

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