And as I received notifications of six messages from two contacts and a Facebook messenger popup, I couldn’t take it anymore. I could bear all that burden, I couldn’t hear their stories. So I threw my phone aside and burst into tears. I picked my phone back up in half an hour and sat in the balcony, out in the cold, curled up in a ball with my hair tied in a bun.
There was a message from this guy I was talking to, and it said,” I suggest you go inside baby”, and though I know he was just being caring and sensitive towards me, I don’t know why his message made me queasy and made my stomach tie up in knots. And I smiled. I couldn’t believe I was smiling because I couldn’t accept that someone else could make me smile, that too with such ease.
Also, there’s another guy I’ve been speaking to lately, he isn’t my age although, but we get along pretty well. Not that I see any of this going anywhere but he makes me laugh, a lot. And I like that about people, I like when they can make me happy.
I’m still not sure whether I’m okay with the fact that someone other than him can finally make me smile, but it sure does feel good.
I wouldn’t say I’m “happy” like absolutely, inexplicably, undeniably happy. But I see rays of hope. I don’t want to trust anybody again, however, I’m trying.
Until later