Well, I wasn’t here in the reality, I had my head floating in imaginations, how you get your first love and you can make it perfect and forget the world when you get him. At first, There were people asking me out, but I feared saying yes seeing how all my friends’ love shattered because of their stupidity of not choosing their love wisely, I was frightened that how these guys will just dump me , use me , exploit me.
Then one day,
“TALK TO HIM ATLEAST , I’M NOT ASKING YOU TO DATE HIM” shouted my bestfriend. I said no , I don’t even like to talk to him, he takes everything in some other sense no, no, no! “UGH OKAY.”
The school bell rang , he entered my class cracking jokes with my bestfriend where as I’m all shy and cornered. He came upto me and he caught my eye, I sat with him in the lunch break that day with my bestfriend. He threw his head back laughing like a little kid. He was tall, very tall.
It’s funny when you look outside from a window and wish to be there. We thought we had a lot in common.
I was attracted to his sense of humour and him, I felt something stirring, something very strange? Well, I think it was love. Yes I had fallen in love that day. He couldn’t make me stop laughing. That day we started texting each other, snapchatting each other.
We started talking somewhat like more than bestfriends. Then after a month it was august when everything changed? I was randomly talking to him and he suddenly proposed me. I didn’t know how to react I feared all this I couldn’t be in a relationship I was so scared and lost what do I do ? I…I …
I thought of everything he said about his ex. How he just wanted to use her, kiss her. But then I gave it a thought, consulted my friends. My bestfriends thought it was amazing while others just thought it’s not gonna last because he’s a player , I wasn’t clear if he was a player or not I was just in love.
I made up my mind, I would say yes.
I made him wait for sometime , kept him hanging but wanting to say yes desperately. I went to nainital for a weekened and felt different there, thinking about him, Listening to those romantic songs and falling in love even more and more and more… I thought it would be the best relationship ever in this school because he always made me laugh even when I was crying.
I was very happy and couldn’t wait to go back to just say yes and get started with my first relationship.
I was on the top of my world. But, when I said yes, things took a turn. He started being rude and demanding things from me. Things I wasn’t ready for. I heard he kept flirting with girls and it just broke me. It broke me how I thought he loved me. It wasn’t was I wanted. It wasn’t fair. He didn’t love me at all.
I was done listening to people and letting them push me around. I was so done. It was time for me to live for myself and not anyone else.
It was the beginning of a new end.
Never should you ever, be with someone who makes you uncomfortable in your own skin and never should the opinions of others mean more than your own logic and reason. That’s the problem with loving someone, their pain means more than yours, their worries are bigger than yours and no matter what you are told or made to face, you never let yourself truly believe that they’re wrong. You don’t give up on them, even if they give up on you.
But when they give up on you and you choose not to, it’s licence to breaking yourself beyond your own limits.
Because you know what? It sucks. It sucks to depend on someone so much and then be taken for granted, it sucks to have to see them evey single day and tell yourself that this isn’t what you want and that you have to walk away. And it sucks to be told that they’re done with you and you were nothing but a doormat for them. It just sucks.
Though moving on seems impossible, and even if it feels wrong to even flirt with someone other than them, I strongly suggest you acquaint yourself with the pain because there is simply no escaping it.