To be or not to be?

She never thought she could like someone the same way ever again, yet here he was with his hands wrapped around her telling her it was okay. He made her smile like the months of pain and mental torture were never a part of her life. They would talk for hours and hear each other ramble about things that didn’t matter.  He would tell her about the girls that have been in his life and she would rant about the one that broke her heart. They would go on long drives and simply hold hands; she’d admire the softness of his hands and he would laugh and call her adorable. It was a different kind of compatibility. He didn’t make her heart flutter or her head spin like the other guy, but that was okay because he made her feel safe and at peace with herself. It was often that she found herself wondering, “Does he really make me as happy or is it just the attention I like?” Alas, there was no way to know what her heart wanted.

Until then, it was how happy he made her that comforted her. The way she found herself smiling when she talked about him. The way the little things he said and his gestures made her want to keep him around as long as she could. The way he would talk about her and make her feel so good about herself. How he’d take her on little dates and put himself in her shoes. Adore her even with broken heels and dirty feet, it was all too good to be true.

But life is never this perfect.

With each fleeting moment, it all started to feel wrong. Going to sleep thinking of him felt wrong. Imagining him in scenarios that belonged only to the past felt wrong. Every laugh and every sentence made her heart sink even lower. She thought her feelings had disappeared, gone and never to return. Everything felt like a lie and she thought she was doing wrong to everyone around her. It seemed like a crime to smile this much when she had just gotten herself together from all those tears. She had struggled to brush past the memories in school corridors; just when everything seemed to get back to normal, it was all falling apart yet again.

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