Do you ever feel every bone in your body crush to dust? Like all the norms of reality have somehow outlived themselves and what’s left of you is the fading memory of the times you were in fact, in your best possible state. Have you ever felt the excruciating pain that numbs your body to such an extent that you no longer feel the touch of your own palms as you soulfully embrace your scars because you know you are all you have on the other end of the tunnel of the materialistic glitz of the world? Have you ever gulped in your screams because you feel so hollow, you can’t mutter a word? When every vomit brings out not just your appetite but also your motivation to fight back and every needle prick is not to the body but to the once happy soul. Have you ever thought of waking up in the morning as an achievement? With every breath you take you feel all the muscles in your body being rebels to what’s being thrown at them.
Chemotherapy sucks the soul out of you.
Sometimes it makes you bitter towards the thought of existing in this biased universe where there’s given a lot to some by default and nothing at all to many. It makes you ask yourself questions like why did it have to be me? It makes you rethink everything you’ve ever believed in. Here I am trying to give justice to my emotions in words but it’s the sorrow you can’t justify in mere paragraphs, it’s the sorrow that is felt. Once you deal with a disease like Cancer, you never come out as who you were. Either you come out stronger or as vulnerable as you never thought you could be.
This is a guest post by Sana Mehra from Jaipur, India.