You see I have always loved the concept of optimism. That part where you notice that the glass is half full rather than it is half empty. Where you focus on the part that you are getting something to drink rather than not the whole thing. I have always loved the concept of optimistic people because they push themselves to work harder and see the better brighter parts of life. They don’t look up at the dark,black sky at night and think that it’s full of darkness and it is going to consume you. They don’t think that they are alone and darkness is their only companion ,they look up and think about the wonders that dark sky carries and look at the moon and shining glimmering stars and wonder about the cosmos,nebula’s and the universe. But you see I consider myself an optimistic person so I am not supposed to be attracted to other optimistic people. I repel the. Because according to the laws of physics opposite attract and similar things repel. And that’s where you enter.
You are most down righteous pessimist person I have seen in my entire life. So you see when I look up at the moon and admire it’s beauty and shine and remember you. Because your face is round as the moon and holes on it remind me of the cute little pimples you have on your face that I like bursting up. You look at it and think that it is fat with jealousy, for, as it eternally orbits its lover and it knows that it will soon be washed into its arms upon its tide. And, my darling believe me you had my heart at the first hello but me being as sacred as harry potter was the first time he flew on his broom I ended up screwing things a lot. But I always liked you a lot. And you being the badass pessimist that fell in love with an optimist, you kept on forgiving.
I realized that I compare your face with the moon and eyes with stars and your lovely smile with waves of an ocean, that’s not love. I realized that day. I realized you are far greater than those things, that’s the day I fell in love with you. That’s the day I realize that the pessimist who thought the worst about every situation is currently only thinking of the ways I could crush his red,strong heart pumping the veins through his veins into a million pieces so no one could every put it back right.
So you see when I realized that all your dreams were turning into nightmares and the mystic creature that gave you a little hope are being snatched by me and I became your moon and you hoped that I was as jealous as the previous one when it came to you I realized you were in love with me, my darling. And for the pessimist who never believed in love was now deeply in love. Deeply in love with an optimist who could actually handle the over thinking, obsessive nature of his. Because to me, your over thinking was never a negative part of you. You see, to me, your over thinking is the best part of you. It makes me realize that your overthinking is the soft air in the storm because you are the storm and the air keeps you going on. It doesn’t tell me that you are damaged like an amoeba it tells me that you genuinely love me like a drug addict loves its cocaine.
So you see I love you.
I want you to be the free pessimistic bird telling this world to fuck off by proudly telling them that if a pessimist can find his love at the age of 18. You can too. Maybe we are just two silly kids in love or maybe we will last. But the 1.9 years that I spent with you, Kissing you,hugging you and lying down in my arms have been the fucking best time of my life. You are the drug I am addicted to and I might never wanna wake up if we end.
Let’s not end.
Let’s be each other forever.Because to be loved and love someone in an immense way and the amount we do is irrational for a normal human being.Because you see when you hold my hand, I just never wanna let go of it as you didn’t only touch my skin you touch, something way within and when you hug me, it pours back life in me. Your lips are as soft as a candy cane and kissing them might just be the only thing I was always craving for. The time when you slept and I sat beside you, I swear your smile and 2am will be the death of me, my demise. And sitting on the balcony early morning, crying,sobbing and hugging each other I realized that we are two beautifully damaged people that might just fix each other.The ring you gave me is always going to be on my finger even if we end, the speech you gave while giving me the ring is always going to be embedded in mind. The ‘vada pavs’ you made me eat for the first time, and how to learnt to dance and cook for me. How you had your first dance with me by the lake and our first kiss that was supposed to be a 5 second one but turned into a 20 minute kiss. The kisses you embedded on my body, made my body your map and traced it and kissed it. You mended every shattered piece of my body. You told me about your scares and fears, the deepest and darkest of them. How you lemme steal your things, and take out your blackheads and sit on you when I want to. How you lemme do this and shout on you even when I am wrong and keep my pendant in your wallet. How you lemme be what I wanna be and tell me I am the perfect girl when I am far from perfect. You see, You didn’t just simply take me away with a smile, you took my away piece by piece second by second and didn’t become a chapter in my book. You become the whole fucking goddamn book. We were not the edited,proofread version, we were each other’s rough draft becoming the perfect version together. You see, you became the comfortable walls of my home, the cosy blankets, that one t-shirt Harvey Specter t-shirt of your that I love you wear because it smells like you.
So you see, you became my home. A home, because to us home wasn’t a place it was a person we can go to in worst times and happy times. You are the perfect fucking person and I can never be thankful enough to this universe for giving me my universe. So you see, my love, what I am trying to tell you right here with my messed up words and not in sink metaphors is that I love you. And even though you are going to the other part of this world 7000 miles away from me I am still going to love you. And from now on just the 3 months that I’ll get to spend with you every year is going to be a bitch and not seeing your face and playing with it and nagging about the silly things I do is going to take every single drop of strength I have in me. The face time, texts and calls are never going to be enough.It’s going to hurt. It’s going to hurt so bad.Not seeing you is going to hurt. I might have already started mumbling because writing this even fucking hurts.
This is the one thing that I want to come out perfect because you fucking are perfect and it’s taking me so long to find the perfect word to describe you and us and our love and the pain. I don’t think I can write any more love. Just so you know,I have always been selfish when it comes to you, I have always loved you, I’ll always love you. But for now my darling what I am trying to tell you is that I’ll miss you, miss me too.
Hey guys! This letter is a part of my newest pet project called “The anonymous letters project” The name in itself is fairly self explanatory, I want to offer to all the writers, the poets, the deep thinkers, the lovers and everyone who feels the need to express; a platform where they can be honest and address letters to whomever and whatever they want without the fear of judgement. Ideally, the writers name is meant to be anonymous, however, in certain cases, the name may be revealed if the person so chooses.
If anyone wishes to be a part of this project they may email me their letters at firstname.lastname@example.org or fill this form if they wish to keep their identity a complete secret.